Here are some hints and tips on ensuring your New Year's resolutions don't fall by the wayside. .
In this video, Paul Mischel goes through the components of John Grinder's Chain of Excellence and how to reset the chain so you can prime yourself for peak performance.
Research has shown that "waking up on the wrong side of the bed", metaphorically speaking, can set the emotional tone of your day.
A short 2 minute video on being more mindful when eating your food.
This video was filmed live at The Corporate Warrior NLP training program.
It was an impromptu demonstration of hypnotic phenomena that was being discussed during the program.
Over the years I have been coaching and facilitating people, I have noticed a number of unhelpful patterns that seem to prevent people from getting out there and having a red hot go at achieving their dreams. During some recent coaching engagements with a number of business owners, two unhelpful patterns kept raising their ugly little heads. I figured I would call them out in this blog post, just in case other people were experiencing these patterns too.
Lack of Vision
The first unhelpful pattern is a lack of vision. Some people are exceptionally passionate about making a difference in some way. These people are motivated and energised but very scattered in their efforts. Part of the problem seems to be that they just don't seem to have a clear vision of where they're going and what they're trying to achieve. Without a clear vision, they can find it very difficult to channel their passion in a sustained and effective manner. You may have met people running this type of pattern. They're very passionate about doing something and they throw themselves into it with zest, then they fizzle out and find something else to get passionate about and after a period of time, they fizzle out again.
Despite their passion and enthusiasm, they just don't seem to accomplish very much. A review of their past endeavours reveals a trail of discarded and incomplete passion projects that they launched and then crash landed.
Lack of Passion
The other pattern is a lack of passion. Unlike the first group of people, these people have a clear vision or have heard their calling. However, they do not have the passion or drive to go out there and make it happen for themselves. These people tend to sit there yearning to realise their vision or answer their calling. However, they seem to be waiting for some external agency like a higher power, astrological alignment, benevolent sponsor or "the right time" to some how pave the way for them to magically achieve their vision. You might have met people running this pattern as well. They're what I call the "Gunnas". Ever heard someone say any of the following? "One day I'm "gunna" do X.". "When I win the lotto I'm "gunna" do Y." "When the stars align it will just happen and then I'm "gunna" be....."
These people have placed their locus of control outside of themselves and technically they're only going to do something, provided that something else outside of their control or influence happens first. They don't suffer from a lack of vision just the lack of passion and drive to do whatever it takes, regardless of the challenges they might face. Their rocket is on the launch pad with a destination plugged into the computer. Unfortunately, the rocket hasn't been fueled and everyone is waiting for mission control to give the all clear for launch.
Vision sets the direction and passion fuels the rocket
Regardless of your field of endeavour if you want to set yourself up for success then:
Remember vision sets the direction, your values are your compass and passion fuels the rocket. Put these three elements together and you're set for take off!
Yesterday I was facilitating a fantastic and highly engaged team in Sydney on the applications of rapport building, conversational framing and the use of coaching for both Leadership, Sales and Customer Service. While we were on our lunch break, I was chatting casually with the Managing Director about the day and his golden nuggets from the workshop so far. One of the stand out moments for him came from an activity we had engaged in earlier on pivotal moments in our personal or professional life. Pivotal moments are those moments where the trajectory of our life changed because of a moment in time, a discussion we've had, a person we've met or an experience we've had that transforms us in some way.
What stood out for me in our conversation was that despite all the incredible success this MD has achieved to date, it was through a series of upsets in his career that created the opportunity for him to launch into something better than what he had previously been doing.
Long before Carol Dwek coined the term Growth Mindset, this MD was engaging in the type of mindset that continually propelled him towards greater things. In simple terms, he was constantly looking at any upset he was experiencing at the time, such as an unfair dismissal or a rejection of a proposal as a potential setup for greater things. Instead of wallowing in the upset, he focussed on his outcomes, changed his strategies and found a way of using the upset to his advantage.
It is no surprise that the organisation he is currently leading is thriving and experiencing exponential growth. Every upset is perceived as a potential setup for greater things and this attitude inspires the organisation to thrive in the face of adversity.
So here's an empowering question for you to ponder. What upset have you experienced lately, that you could view as a setup for greater opportunities? I'd love to hear from you as to how you will turn your upsets into setups. Please feel free to leave your comments below if you feel comfortable in doing so.
I've been running workshops on soft skills and influencing principles for more than a decade and I have a confession to make. One of the things that really peeves me about certain parts of the professional and personal development industry is the sheer volume of articles or programs positioned around teaching someone the "tricks" to do "X" to another human being. The "X" in these instances could be influencing others, making people like you or getting people to do what you want, to name just a few examples of these types of headlines.
Now, I'm sure these articles and programs are very tempting to people who don't know any better, because frankly, who wouldn't want to know "the trick" or "the secret" to doing something? However, stop and think for a moment. In the contexts of your personal and professional relationships would you want someone "tricking" you into liking them? How would you feel if you knew someone was "tricking" you into doing something they wanted you to do or using "tricks" to influence you? If you thoroughly put yourself into the shoes of the other person, you probably wouldn't want someone thinking about tricking you let alone actively going out to trick you. So why would you want to do that to other people?
I'll be frank with you, if you are resorting to tricking people to do anything with or for you, then you need to seriously rethink your intentions towards those people and your applied strategies when it comes to human relationships.
Rather than looking for the "trick" or "secret" that will melt resistance to an idea or thaw a frosty relationship, here are some things to consider when relating to others and seeking to build rapport with them:
Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
This gem comes from Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Rather than just trying to get your agenda met or your point heard, why not spend time learning about the other person's needs, wants and desires? The first step in relationship building should be learning about the other person, so that you learn how to add value to the relationship and work collaboratively towards win-win outcomes. Give it a test and make it your first outcome in any meeting you have from here on and watch what happens.
People won't care how much you know, until they know how much you care.
Rather than trying to get your outcomes met at the expense of the other person, demonstrate a genuine interest in the outcomes and the problems of the other person. No technique or process, will ever overcome a demonstration of a lack of empathy and disinterest from your side of the interaction. You might be the smartest and most talented person in the room, but if the people you're relating to don't feel you care about what's important to them; then you won't get much of a chance to demonstrate your intelligence or showcase your capabilities.
Treat people with respect and use your manners.
It amazes me how many people need to be reminded of this simple point. Next time you go into a public place, watch the interactions. Watch as people order a coffee from a barista while continuing to talk on their phones, notice as they push in front of others as they walk out a door or forget to say please or thank you or excuse me. If there were any magic words in the english language that would assist people in liking you more, then in my opinion, please, thank you, excuse me and sorry would have to be on the list.
Recognise people's efforts not just their outputs.
Regardless of whether someone gives you exactly what you want, thank them for their effort or for thinking about you. Providing regular positive feedback on effort rather than just output is something that will continue to reinforce the behaviour. Someone is more likely to go above and beyond what is expected of them, if they know the person they are doing it for recognises their effort and intentions.
Give people the present of your presence.
Be present with people, put away your phone and electronic devices and devote your full attention to the person you're with. Attend to them and be attentive. I often teach people in my workshops to engage in three types of focus:
Eye focus - Keep your eyes on the person you're talking to. That doesn't mean stare at them either. It just means keep your eyes orientated towards them, particularly when they are speaking or demonstrating something.
Body focus - Orientate your body in such a way that you are facing towards them. I've seen way too many examples of people unconsciously orientating their bodies in a way that excluded people in social situations as well as sales situations. Create a sense of physical intimacy with the other person / people by positioning yourself in such away that you can line your midline up with a single person, or to create a space for others in the group to be included.
Mind focus - Be fully mindful of the person you're with. Turn your attention to them as if they were the only person or people in the world. Train your attention to stay with them rather than letting your attention wander.
In training programs I run, we play with doing each type of focus in isolation, doing them together and then breaking the focus. It is a great insight into how important these focuses are when it comes to enhancing your social intelligence.
So let's stop with the tricks. Let's start by being genuinely interested in the the interests and welfare of others, authentic in our behaviours and treat each other with respect. It's not so tricky and it's not much of a secret but it will help create magic in your relationships.
Last night I went to my first speed networking event in Melbourne and it was a very interesting experience. The event was positioned on Meet Up for Solo Entrepreneurs and I was invited by my friend Karen Cohen who has just started up her business Kaycee HR Consulting. Given that I am exploring the prospect of using Meet Up to advertise my public programs, I figured there was something to learn in going to a Meet Up event.
If you're not familiar with speed networking it's a bit like speed dating. People are lined up in two parallel rows. Each person has three minutes to pitch their business to the other person they are seated with. After six minutes you either exchange contact details or not. Participants then move along their line to the next person and run the process again. This continues till everyone has met at least nine or ten people.
What stood out for me in my hyper-accelerated interactions, was just how many of my fellow networkers were looking to extract value from the other people in the room. The predominant frame of thought which translated into their behaviour and their three minute elevator pitch was "What can you give me / do for me that will help me?"
One eye opening interaction I had with an attendee, who was dressed very casually and who lounged in their chair with a drink in their hand like they were in a nightclub, went something like this.
Me: "So what brings you to the event?
Them: "To find people who can help me progress professionally."
Me: "So what do you offer that would be of value to those people?"
To be honest I found this approach quite off putting and it was a rapport breaker. Although this was a very explicit demonstration of seeking to extract value from others, there were plenty of other examples of this attitude coming through implicitly in some of my other meetings.
One of Simon Sinek's quotes that I really align with is "The goal is not to do business with everybody who needs what you have. The goal is to do business with people who believe what you believe." One of my deeply held core values is to be of service to others. This core value is my WHY in my Golden Circle, that permeates HOW I do what I do and links all of the WHAT of what I do.
My personal Golden Circle is a really valuable format to craft a succinct, meaningful and impactful elevator pitch at a speed networking event. It also does something more powerful. It reminds me to be of service to others and to seek opportunities to add value to my interactions. My WHY informs my Reticular Activating System (RAS) as to what to filter for in the environment, and aids me in identifying people who hold similar values and are genuinely interested in building mutually beneficial, win-win, collaborative partnerships.
So the next time you're at a networking event, rather than seeking to extract value from the event or the interactions; why not change your frame of thinking and find ways to add value to the potential relationship? If you can't directly provide value by way of a service or product that you offer, maybe you can help connect them with someone you know who can? In this way you can potentially be of service to two people and add value to both relationships.